Greetings from sunny L.A.! Growing up in the Midwest, the weather in L.A. doesn't feel like winter, but with holiday decorations popping up around town and an ice skating rink set up in Pershing Square, it's beginning to look like winter.

Winter is a time of contemplation. Reflecting on the past year and looking forward to the possibilities of the new year can give us opportunity to let go of what we don't need and step into a life of our choosing.

It can also be a time of mixed emotions for many people. Yes, we count our many blessings. And when family, joy, peace, and love are the themes of the month and we're in the throes of depression, a difficult life change, or are dreading painful family reunions, it might be hard to see the light in the darkness.

It is in these moments that I work hard - and encourage my clients to work hard - at finding understanding, self-compassion, and the inclusive perspective on our lives. 

We often think in ways that limit our choices: "I know I'm going to argue with my family, BUT they are my family so I have to go home." In this statement are several dualisms: being torn between fighting and peace, and being torn between longing for connection as well as between obligation and resentment. The either/or creates a conflict within ourselves. 

What if we chose the both/and?

"I want to see my family over the holidays, and, based on past holidays, I know we will argue." Both are true. So, what can you do besides fight or not go home? 

- Set a boundary...and stick to it. It's easy to get caught in old family patterns when you go back home, no matter how much you've changed! Let your family members know what kinds of interactions you will and won't tolerate, and what actions you will take if something you won't tolerate happens. Example: "I worry that our interactions are going to escalate into yelling. I don't want that to happen. If you start to raise your voice at me, I am leaving the house for an hour so you can calm down." If your family is verbally or physically abusive, you do not need to stay! Enjoy the holidays with friends, volunteer, do something nice for yourself, or spend the day in quiet contemplation. No one should have to go home to abuse.

- Don't stay with your family, or take breaks from them if you do. If you've not lived together for awhile, sharing space might increase tension. If possible, stay at a hotel or a friend's house. If that isn't possible, make sure to get out of the house daily to run errands, or find a quiet place in the house to retreat if tensions run high.

- Know what you need, and ask for it. Often, people don't even know they have a need until it's not met. Many people rely on non-verbal communication to get their needs met, rather than asking directly. This often works, but when it doesn't, it can be helpful to explicitly state to yourself what you need (i.e. some alone time, a hug) and take responsibility for getting it met (i.e. go for a walk, ask for or give a hug).

- See your maladaptive patterns and do something different. We can't control others' behavior, but we can control our own. Notice your role in interactions that don't feel good and make a conscious effort to do something different to bring peace. When we change ourselves, it can shift the whole dynamic of the family.

- Be the light in the darkness. We all have an opportunity to give love, kindness, and understanding in every interaction. Focus on and reinforce positive interactions. Learn to ignore or not react to negative interactions. Seek to understand others' actions, and see if you can find empathy for their pain. Once your do, it's much easier to find patience and bring love to a difficult situation.

May you have a peaceful holiday amidst all the chaos!

It's official - I am now registered as a Medicare Part B provider!  My provider number is CB222627. My provider information is not showing up on the website yet (http://www.medicare.gov/physiciancompare/search.html), but rest assured, I did receive confirmation that I'm registered and ready to provide services to clients with Medicare Insurance.

My office is  located in the U.S. Bank Building in Downtown Los Angeles Office. I chose this location for its convenient access to public transportation, and proximity to the many business and service organizations in downtown. I want to make psychological services easy to access for people  living and working downtown.

I am committed to accepting insurance at my practice as well as seeing private pay clients. Mental health is an important aspect of living a balanced, fulfilling life. I want to do my part to make sure everyone has access to the care they need!

If you or someone you know has Medicare and is looking for a therapist, give me a call. 

I'm here for you!
~Dr. Peace

P.S. Not sure what Medicare Part B is? Check this out: http://www.medicare.gov/what-medicare-covers/part-b/what-medicare-part-b-covers.html

I am excited to announce my new office location in downtown Los Angeles.  It's located in the US Bank Building, which is the tallest building in L.A.  No, I didn't chose this location because I have penis envy (though from a Freudian perspective it may be interpreted that way!).  

When we are struggling with life challenges, it is helpful to have a reminder that change is possible.  I chose this landmark building to serve as a beacon of hope, healing, and happiness for my clients in the greater LA area. Even on smoggy, foggy days, the top of the building can be seen for miles around and can serve as a reminder that change, though difficult, is possible with willingness, persistence, and support from others committed to personal growth.

If you're ready for change, make an appointment and come on by! The views are great, the couch is comfy, there is complimentary coffee...and the therapy is good, too!

I'm here for you!
~ Dr. Peace

We've all been there. There is a painful emotion lurking under the surface of our conscious mind trying to be known. We are doing everything in our power to avoid it - staying busy, watching TV, listening to music, exercising excessively, drinking or using substances. But in those moments when we are relaxed, or trying to concentrate, there it is. Somewhere in our mind, we know avoidance is not going to work, but we do it anyway because, what are we supposed to do? Face it? Our mind often convinces us that facing it will be too painful to bear, and that this pain will last forever. The truth is, when we face our emotions, we can learn what they are trying to tell us about what we need and value, and take steps to improve our situation. Here's a trick for building up the courage to sit down and face your emotions:

Imagine your emotions are a hungry cat.

For those of you who love cats (and especially for you non-cat people), you know what I'm talking about: when a cat is hungry, IT IS PERSISTENT. It will stop at nothing until you give it what it wants. The persistent cat is your painful emotions. So take a moment and bring to you mind's eye a hungry cat...

You're trying to sleep, and the hungry cat is sitting on your head, pawing your face, and meowing to be fed. You try to ignore it. It doesn't work.

You shut the cat out of the bedroom. It continues to meow outside the door.

You kick the cat out of the house, and the yowling intensifies so the whole neighborhood is awakened.

You somehow manage to fall into a fitful sleep, but the hungry cat is persistent; lurking outside your window, staring at you...waiting for the moment when your guard is down to pounce.

You wake up, and try to work. The cat jumps on your lap and sticks its butt in your face, ruining your concentration.