It's the end of a busy day or week and you're looking forward to relaxing. But there's grocery shopping and laundry and social events and kids and...sometimes it seems there is never enough time to just sit down and relax. What if there was a way to be rejuvenated by daily chores rather than feeling drained or resentful of the obligation? There is: mindfulness.

Very simply, mindfulness is paying attention to what's happening in the here and now. So often we think about the past or project ourselves ahead into the future as we go about our daily lives. While there is nothing inherently unhealthy about past or future thinking, when we zone out from what we are doing to engage in this thinking, we miss out on the present of presence.

I remember my first experience seeing mindfulness in action. It was watching my college professor of Buddhism preparing a meal for some students. He held a beautiful, pure white ceramic knife and was chopping vegetables. He giggled saying: "Be one with the carrot." I watched him - in a relaxed yet focused and precise way - quickly and neatly chop the carrot into thin slices. Something clicked in me watching him "become one with the carrot." It was my first taste of mindfulness.

Since then, I have developed a practice of "doing meditation." It is simply doing things with 100 percent attention to the present moment. 

Hand washing dishes is one of my favorites. I would wager that many people don't like doing dishes and try to get it over with as soon as possible, hastily scraping off food and throwing them in the dishwasher without even looking. (Guilty!) But slowing down, paying attention to what is happening right now, helps calm your mind and body and puts you in "the flow."

How do you do it? It's easier demonstrated in real-time than described (as are all mindfulness practices I've discovered), but let's walk through the steps.

1. Set the intention. Before your start, find the part within you that loves to do dishes. Loves to feel the warm water on your hands. Loves to have sparkling clean dishes to use. Loves how the act of doing dishes quiets your mind. Loves that you can slow down for a minute AND still get things done.

2. Go slow. Pay attention using all your senses as you turn on the water, wait for it to become the right temperature, soap the sponge, and select a dish. Feel the sensation of the warmth of the water heat up the inside of your hands. Feel the texture of the dish with your skin. See it with your eyes. Hear the sounds. Smell the soap. Notice the thoughts going through your mind and refocus to the sensations of the task at hand if it starts to get stuck on a thought. Notice your breathing.

3. Become one with the dishes. Track your movements with your eyes and thoughts without getting ahead of yourself. See and feel the part of the dish you are watching and methodically wipe the entire surface - not moving ahead or rushing. Put care into each movement. Feel that all the soap has been rinsed completely off. Watch as you put the dish into the rack. (How often have we started to put the dish into the rack then turned our head to look for the next dish while we're actually setting the dish down?) Say to yourself what it is you are doing at that moment: "Now I am washing the surface of the dish. Now I am putting the sponge down. Now I am rinsing the dish." Pause briefly between transitioning actions.


4. Notice how you feel. When you are done, shut off the water and just stand with your eyes closed. Scan your body from head to toe. Notice the internal sensations. Notice the sounds inside your body and the room. Feel the temperature of the air on your skin. Your clothes on you body. Your body standing in space. Notice your breathing and take a few deep breaths engaging the muscles of your diaphragm. Open your eyes and slowly take in your surroundings. Do a 360 degree scan of the room noting colors, shapes, objects. Notice the thoughts in your mind and your self-talk.


5. Practice acceptance. Perhaps your mind and body are more quiet and calm. Perhaps they are jittery and anxious with all the other things yet to be accomplished. Whatever it is your are experiencing, accept that it is your experience in this moment. It's not good or bad. It just is.

I use the word "practice" because it takes practice to build the skill of mindfulness. It is something you can cultivate over time and integrate into every moment of the day. To start, just pick one daily activity that you love, and try doing it slowly and with intention and care. You may find that over time, a new sense of peace and joy starts to replace the feelings of rushed anxiousness that often accompanies daily chores.

As I alluded to earlier, mindfulness is best learned by experiencing it rather than reading about it. I integrate mindfulness practices into my therapy work to help give my clients a place to practice new ways of approaching life that feel replenishing. There are many resources for mindfulness practices - from audio recordings to meditation groups to psychotherapy...to doing dishes! 

It's December! The nights are longer, the weather colder, and holiday gatherings sprinkle our calendars. What a busy and stressful month December can be. Often our usual schedules are disrupted by school being out, holiday preparations, vacations from work, travel, or businesses we rely on being closed.

When things get busy, it's often our self-care that gets put lower on the to-do list. Sleep, eating, exercise, and rejuvenation take the back seat to extra errands, travel planning, kids home from school, or parties to attend. Ironically, the very things we let slide are the things that will help us though busy times the most. 

Here are some easy tips for taking care of yourself when life gets hectic:

- Listen to your body's need for sleep. Nothing throws our day off more than not getting enough rest. Erratic sleep and wake schedules leave us feeling like we're in constant jet lag - because essentially we are! If you usually go to bed at 11:00 PM and you stay up until 2:00, it's like flying from L.A. to N.Y.! Do your best to go to bed and get up at the same time each day. Rather than trying to power through a difficult task when tired, do tasks low in mental demand at that time or go to bed. You work more efficiently when alert, so save cognitively demanding tasks for high energy times. Work smarter, not longer.

- Eat Breakfast. It's tempting to sleep an extra 15 minutes, grab our coffee, and run out the door when things get busy. If you have to do that, stock your bag with nuts, dried fruit, or low sugar protein bars. Or, dig deep and find the discipline to get up on time and take that 15 minutes to eat a satisfying breakfast.

- Just say NO (Ho Ho)! With all the extra activity and events, it's easy to become over booked. If you are an automatic "Yes" person when asked to take on a task or accept an invitation, practice saying "Let me check my schedule and get back to you." Give yourself some time to really assess if you can do it. If the answer is no, say no. Nothing builds resentment and sucks our faster than saying yes to something we don't really want to do. 

- Take an exercise break. You don't have to spend an hour in the gym to get exercise. Getting your heart rate up for 10 minutes, three times a day also does the trick. Try taking exercise breaks throughout the day. Studies show that our attention span is about 50 minutes long. Rather than power though our day and feel worn out at the end, take an exercise break every 50 minutes to help you maintain your energy levels. If you work sitting down, take a brisk walk, do some stretches, do sit-ups and pushups, or crank up the music and dance. (Enrolling family members or co-workers has the added benefit of laughter!) If you stand to work, sit down, stretch, or elevate your feet.

- Do double duty on self care. Combine activities that bring you joy and nurture your body. Exercise or share a meal with a friend or loved one. Practice mindfulness when doing necessary household chores. Listen to an audio book during your commute or read if you take public transit. Make sure it's a pleasure read and not things that might stress you out (like work-related articles or news)!

- Give and receive hugs. For most people, physical touch has a relaxing effect. Give hugs freely throughout the day to those who are opening to receiving. Trade foot, shoulder, and head massages with friends or partners. Make time for sex. The benefits of physical touch greatly outweigh the time you would have spent crossing "one more thing" off the to-do list.

-  Lower your expectations. Having standards of excellence is commendable. Expecting excellence or perfection in all things is detrimental. Practice the "plenty good enough" principle when time is limited. Most often, a task that is done adequately is just as good and less draining than a task you are putting off or spending copious amounts of time on to make perfect.

- Celebrate your accomplishments. We are often disappointed when all of the things on our to-do list didn't get done. Try taking a moment to reflect on your day and to celebrate everything you did get accomplished. Give yourself permission to reschedule needed tasks that didn't get done, and delete optional tasks from the list. Hold on to the internal sense of satisfaction that you can make a choice to complete, delegate, or delete tasks.

- Make self care a priority. If we don't care for ourselves, we can't care for anyone else. In a culture that deems it "selfish" to make our physical, spiritual, and mental health needs a priority over caring for others, it can be difficult to take the time for self-care. Yet, you are the only one who can eat, sleep, exercise, and rejuvenate yourself. Put your care at the top of the priority list for a week and notice how much more you have to give to others.

Therapy can be a great way to regain balance in stressful times. If you find yourself wanting to make some of these changes, but are finding it difficult to do so, consulting a mental health professional may help. Give me a call! I'm here for you.

Happy Holidays,
Dr. Sandy Peace